third attempt at blogging…same story, different year. great intentions do not however equal great results. the whole idea is for me to really just have a place to write down thoughts and ideas and hold onto them…as I have become the most disorganized person ever. as insane as that is…having formerly been the most organized person ever, to the point of being on the OCD side of things. the cure – a combination of having a very messy child, working too much, being distracted with too many things and to be completely honest, just being too tired to do anything about it.

I miss the days when I could literally stay in my pajamas, aka, my husband’s t-shirt and some footies and take my time to do all of the things that needed to be done around the house each day. with the exception of the kid’s mess…the house was otherwise spotless, laundry was always caught up, dinner ready most nights and I was tired…but it was a different kind of tired.

it is senseless to dwell on all of the reasons why but suffice it to say that it is a combination of so many things…some being my fault, some being life as we know it and some, just plain bad luck! I literally work to eat – my desk job is our grocery money, that and gas with very little extra most months. my photography is more like therapy to me, and I actually wish I could afford to do it just for fun, but it really is a lot of work and comes with it’s own expenses. I don’t charge enough to cover all of the time I put in planning, scheduling, shooting, editing and all of the post production for every session. my problem is, I still consider myself a student of photography, as I am learning something all of the time, and that makes me not value my time as much as I should. I have a long way to go to be the kind of photographer that I want to be, but in the meantime, I am struggling with the idea of how and what to charge for the photographer that I am right now. I hear it all of the time, people want the best value for their money, and that’s great when it comes to groceries, or a car or something like that, but photographs are not in the same category at all. yes, prints are tangible, but memories are not and time, well, time is valuable…my time and I have to start giving my time what it is worth. and that, is what is so difficult. I am one of those people who has to figure out how to budget every dollar, every day and so I understand costs, expense and how hard it is to afford many things. trust me, this is a girl who has NEVER had a mani/pedi, who doesn’t go to fancy salon’s to get my hair done, though I am sure I could use it! so, I am at this place where I don’t know what to do…I want my photography to be my only paycheck but I don’t want to burden my client’s either. it is a hard place to be…because I do understand…I am there too. life is expensive and that sucks.