okay, technically “the flesh is weak and the heart is treacherous”…if I am quoting verse.
so I am just sitting here with a million and two things on my mind…yes, more than you thought, huh?! and have known for a very long time that I need to regroup. as a mom, I am always busy, running my boys here and there, helping with homework and last minute projects, editing their papers (which is bad for them, my grammar sucks!) and the usual shoe shopping, haircuts, soccer games and such. that is after the monday thru friday, forty hour a week, stealing my precious hours away from me JOB. don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for it…it feeds the family and pays a few bills. it’s just that, there was a time when I didn’t have to work so much and I really do miss it. I blame myself, I suck at money…I really do and I guess it would be fair to blame “life as we know it” too. It is so hard these days to make ends meet and that is just the cold hard truth.
I think more than anything, I miss the times when my boys were little and I was lucky enough to stay at home with them. I miss their little faces in awe watching a Disney movie or one of their favorite shows. I miss teaching them how to use a spoon or a straw for the first time…and even remember vividly how badly they both wanted to learn how to blow a bubble with some gum. and oh my gosh, I miss nap time cuddles and little kid giggles and their little hand in mine. they were as different as could be, one was quiet and sweet and mild mannered and very creative. the other, feisty and temperamental, and as funny as could be. they are still very much the same as teens and I love them to pieces.
I guess I am just having one of those sappy, sentimental days…..tearing up as I type this, but sometimes my heart does ache for their early years and today I just want them to be little again.
my heart IS weak…