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movies with my boys

even now with the boys being teenagers – we will all sit together and watch a disney movie. a couple of weeks ago, we watched despicable me 2 one evening and loved every minute of it. the boys had popcorn and the lights were off…as it should be when you watch a movie you know! they actually sit still now…well, logan most of the time. 😉 and it was just nice…

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third attempt at blogging…same story, different year. great intentions do not however equal great results. the whole idea is for me to really just have a place to write down thoughts and ideas and hold onto them…as I have become the most disorganized person ever. as insane as that is…having formerly been the most organized person ever, to the point of being on the OCD side of things. the cure – a combination of having a very messy child, working too much, being distracted with too many things and to be completely honest, just being too tired to do anything about it.

I miss the days when I could literally stay in my pajamas, aka, my husband’s t-shirt and some footies and take my time to do all of the things that needed to be done around the house each day. with the exception of the kid’s mess…the house was otherwise spotless, laundry was always caught up, dinner ready most nights and I was tired…but it was a different kind of tired.

it is senseless to dwell on all of the reasons why but suffice it to say that it is a combination of so many things…some being my fault, some being life as we know it and some, just plain bad luck! I literally work to eat – my desk job is our grocery money, that and gas with very little extra most months. my photography is more like therapy to me, and I actually wish I could afford to do it just for fun, but it really is a lot of work and comes with it’s own expenses. I don’t charge enough to cover all of the time I put in planning, scheduling, shooting, editing and all of the post production for every session. my problem is, I still consider myself a student of photography, as I am learning something all of the time, and that makes me not value my time as much as I should. I have a long way to go to be the kind of photographer that I want to be, but in the meantime, I am struggling with the idea of how and what to charge for the photographer that I am right now. I hear it all of the time, people want the best value for their money, and that’s great when it comes to groceries, or a car or something like that, but photographs are not in the same category at all. yes, prints are tangible, but memories are not and time, well, time is valuable…my time and I have to start giving my time what it is worth. and that, is what is so difficult. I am one of those people who has to figure out how to budget every dollar, every day and so I understand costs, expense and how hard it is to afford many things. trust me, this is a girl who has NEVER had a mani/pedi, who doesn’t go to fancy salon’s to get my hair done, though I am sure I could use it! so, I am at this place where I don’t know what to do…I want my photography to be my only paycheck but I don’t want to burden my client’s either. it is a hard place to be…because I do understand…I am there too. life is expensive and that sucks.

imagine my surprise when my youngest (who was put to bed early with a terrible headache) woke up this morning…before me…showered, made his bed, cleaned up the den and walked up to my bed asking me how to make coffee. =) I mumbled the directions and a few minutes later dragged my tired bones downstairs to take a shower. next thing I know…the amazing aroma of coffee drifted in…and Logan…so proud of himself, showed me all that he had done this morning…big grin on his face…coffee ready…sugar in my cup and a spoon right beside it!! 

now that’s happiness ❤ 

I have an on again off again relationship with Coca Cola. I am not really worried about what anyone else thinks of it. It’s just that I have made my mind up that I was going to start cutting back on all things bad for me. for me…that means all things sugary!! =O

as I get older, and the bones start aching a little more – I feel regret for not really being into healthy eating as much as I could have or should have. having said that, about ten years ago, I was introduced to a company called Arbonne and ever since, I have really worked hard to incorporate organic foods into our diets and even became quite the label reader on everything else. in all that time, I have only bought organic milk and meat and stopped buying all sorts of junk food. brand names and labels became very important and not in a snobby kind of way, but in a “I am not putting that crap into my body” kind of way.

fast food is extremely limited and even that is selective. haven’t set foot in a McD’s in so long, that I can’t even remember what’s on the menu. even so, there are times when sometimes you just have to have it. and today, was it…..I wanted a large Coke so bad and didn’t really need it. half of it is getting poured down the sink because it’s been sitting on my desk so long…it’s all watered down. 😦 blech

anyway, that’s my two cents…maybe not even worth that much…but it is my blog…I can say whatever I want!! 🙂

sitting here watching it rain…again…and can’t help but think about how quickly time is flying by me, and all of us these days. we are always in a hurry, always busy and speaking for myself – have way too much going on most of the time. I really do miss the days when I had “free time”. I mean, I have it now, but the difference is, there is always a dozen or so things that I really should be doing. I mean time where you can sit and relax and not have the pressure of having something you have to do, somewhere you have to go or someone you need to see.

this world as we know it makes it that way – hectic and busy – is the norm and I hate it. it isn’t like it is some big surprise…the times we live in are prophetic and we certainly have our hands full. I think that I just wish I had been smarter, made better decisions and didn’t burden myself down, or have so many hurdles.

mostly, I am just tired…and tired of being tired. I want to enjoy every moment I can with my boys…while they are still young. and they are growing up fast, so I don’t want to miss anything. they are the best. yes, all parents say that – but really, they are awesome. truly two of the sweetest boys ever and we are close, which makes me very happy.

this brings me to my calendar – which is a disaster if you could see it!! and I literally have made myself cross days and nights off in it – to be sure that I don’t let my “busy” work – get in the way of my family time. even if we just watch cartoons together – which we do – it’s time together. we are planning more outings together, hanging out with the boys and their friends a lot more and going to the movies – just us – the way they like it.

boys will be boys…

so if you have boys…especially ones with a little bit of an age difference – you have to play referee A LOT!! I get tired of telling both of my boys to “be nice to your brother”!! which I do almost every day.

so, imagine my delight when I got to witness the two of them…teens, mind you…out in the garden…in the rain…wait for it… PLAYING! okay, maybe not playing…no, they were playing…throwing water balloons and getting seriously muddy and dirty!! I giggled, I was so happy to see it and I asked if I could take some pics, but they declined with a resounding “NO MOM!!”

but I don’t think I will forget the joy of watching them have so much fun and laughing and enjoying each other’s company. now that….is pure HAPPINESS.

 

the perfect find…

my photographer friends will appreciate this one 🙂 

I have a styled session scheduled for this weekend and the more I talked, well texted and inboxed my models, the more the ideas started swimming around in my mind! I am very visual and know what I want…usually – having said that, I happened upon an estate sale on my lunch break today and practically started drooling over the abundance of props – well, they aren’t really props – but to a photographer, they are!! and I scored a fabulous little green velveteen hat circa 1940’s – 50’s and the perfect little suitcase to use in the session. I spent way more than I should have…but it’s my version of retail therapy.

so then, happiness is…the perfect find.

the end 😉

the heart is weak….

okay, technically “the flesh is weak and the heart is treacherous”…if I am quoting verse.

so I am just sitting here with a million and two things on my mind…yes, more than you thought, huh?! and have known for a very long time that I need to regroup. as a mom, I am always busy, running my boys here and there, helping with homework and last minute projects, editing their papers (which is bad for them, my grammar sucks!) and the usual shoe shopping, haircuts, soccer games and such. that is after the monday thru friday, forty hour a week, stealing my precious hours away from me JOB. don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for it…it feeds the family and pays a few bills. it’s just that, there was a time when I didn’t have to work so much and I really do miss it. I blame myself, I suck at money…I really do and I guess it would be fair to blame “life as we know it” too. It is so hard these days to make ends meet and that is just the cold hard truth.

I think more than anything, I miss the times when my boys were little and I was lucky enough to stay at home with them. I miss their little faces in awe watching a Disney movie or one of their favorite shows. I miss teaching them how to use a spoon or a straw for the first time…and even remember vividly how badly they both wanted to learn how to blow a bubble with some gum. and oh my gosh, I miss nap time cuddles and little kid giggles and their little hand in mine. they were as different as could be, one was quiet and sweet and mild mannered and very creative. the other, feisty and temperamental, and as funny as could be. they are still very much the same as teens and I love them to pieces.

I guess I am just having one of those sappy, sentimental days…..tearing up as I type this, but sometimes my heart does ache for their early years and today I just want them to be little again.

my heart IS weak…

1 – I am a very impatient person….and I hate that about myself…
2 – I grew up in a very large family and had more responsibilities than I wanted…but, it made me a better person in so many ways. So…thanks mom!
3 – When I did finally decide that I was going to have children…I really wanted boys….I am not much into girly-girl things…and hate drama….that, and I can’t even fix my own hair…much less braids & pony tails! lol
4 – Speaking of my boys….love them more than anything….they are polar opposites, which keeps things interesting. But at the end of the day, they are my favorite people in the whole world!! ❤
5 – I would love to learn how to play guitar….and really enjoy listening to acoustic spanish guitar.
6 – I have an insatiable (sp) sweet tooth…..and consider myself a pretty good baker or all thing sweet and yummy.
7 – I love to sing…..sing all the time in my car, at home….at work (real low, so no one will hear me)
8 – I am a creative person by nature…..besides singing, I also like to write songs, poetry and short stories. I have recently got into scrapbooking and have a camera that I am trying to learn how to use.
9 – Hindsight is everything….and I wish that I had taken the initiative when I was young and single to learn a trade….such as interior design, or photography….something that I could do that involved beautification. 🙂
10 – I love love love the beach and I think it would be great to live in a house in the trees on a isolated island somewhere….
11- I hate shoes and would go barefoot or wear flip flops everywhere if I could get away with it.
12- I am entirely too friendly for my own good at times….which can get me into trouble – either taken advantage of or mistaken for flirtation.
13 – I was taught to treat everyone with respect no matter what race or religious or ethnic background and it makes me sad that people still have issues with any of those things.
14 – This is taking a very long time….and I am getting tired.
15 – I have always been self-conscious about how I looked….and sometimes wish that I was pretty.
16 – I have a great sense of humor…..appreciate comedy as long as its not too silly and sadly, I almost always laugh when I shouldn’t…like when someone slips and falls, as long as they aren’t really hurt.
17 – I used to pride myself on how perfectly clean and neat my home was….note the words “used to” – as kids and a dog have completely destroyed that!! lol
18 – I am still quite obsessive-compulsive about certain things…like how the towels are folded and color coordinated with the wash cloths…and I can’t leave a room if the light switch is up and the light is off. I will have to go to the other switch and turn it back on…so, that I can go back to the one that is “up” and turn it off again. Sick…yes, I know….that, and I will change the toilet paper so that the roll falls down from behind and not over the top…even if it isn’t my house!!
19 – I love blackened fish wraps and wish I had some right now…with a corona and some chili’s chips and salsa. ;p
20 – I have many names….mom, dianna, deanna, dino, diane, logan’s mom, tanner’s mom, ms. lester, and sister lester just to name a few. I have to say, I haven’t ever really been called anything really bad…at least not to my face.
21 – I met my husband when I was about 13 years old and immediately had a crush on him……we ended up getting married when we were 24 and are going to be celebrating our 17th wedding anniversary this coming April 25th.
22 – I love listening to all kinds of music….and sometimes wish that I had been good enough to sing professionally.
23 – When I grew up….we spent lots of time camping at different beaches up and down the east coast..and I have great memories of crabbing all day on the pier, making drip castles in the sand, disney and collecting seashells and sand dollars. We always seem to have someone extra with us on vacation…..what was one more person in a family of 10!!?!?! 🙂
24 – I had the neatest grammie & grampa ever….and could write a whole page on why….they were really fun and we were very close to them.
25 – Well, now that I am here.. I could think of at least 25 more random thoughts…but, maybe I will save that for another day. Just know….that for the most part, I am so happy to be me….and be a part of a great big family…movie of the week included at times…but, always good for a story or two.
I love all of my sisters and brothers….and my mom too!!
Peace out!

from 1/31/2009

I just found this and it made me laugh out loud, quite literally. I didn’t want to delete it and find myself thinking of doing it again, just to see what’s different and what would be the same. 🙂 And yes….there are a lot of capital letters down there…those would indicate the “QUESTIONS” though it is hurting my eyes just to look at it! 😉

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? no

2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? a week or so ago when I saw the movie – The Express

3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? when I take my time…it’s really nice…when I don’t, it’s horrible

4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? Ukrop’s Oven Roasted Turkey

5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? 2 boys….Tanner is 12 and Logan is almost 9

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? sure

7. DO YOU USE SARCASM? me? no way…..lol….of course, it’s one of my talents

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? yes

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? no way

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? alpha bits

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? no….unless I can’t get them off

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? breyer’s or haagendaz (sp) coffee

14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? their smile

15. RED OR PINK? pink

16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? too many to name

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? grandparents

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO COMPLETE THIS LIST? of course

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? jeans & brown bare traps

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? logan opening all of the cabinets looking for snackage

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? aqua

23. FAVORITE SMELLS? honeysuckle, something sweet baking, babies fresh from a bath

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? hubby

25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? yes, of course

26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? football & olympics

27. HAIR COLOR? brown with help

28. EYE COLOR? brown

29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? no

30. FAVORITE FOOD? blackened fish or a good steak

31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? happy endings

32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? The Express

33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? blue & white

34. Summer or winter? SUMMER

35. HUGS OR KISSES? both

37. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? hard to say 🙂

38. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? same as above

39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? whatever Logan is reading for school

40. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? don’t have one

41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT? recorded American Idol & Cash Cab

42. FAVORITE SOUND(S)? a thunder storm, my boys getting along, acoustic guitar…

43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Beatles

44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? Arizona

45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? hard to say….I am creative….

46 WHERE WERE U BORN? Richmond Memorial Hospital, VA

47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? everyone

48. HOW DID YOU MEET YOUR SPOUSE/SIGNIFICANT OTHER? through his sister when we were 13

from 2/6/2009